I feel, therefore I am.
I guess that would be not only my main description but also my main philosophy in life.
It is often a burden since even though I am made of feeling instead of thinking, I can rarely act upon what I feel is the right choice. I live in war, I would say, a senseless war which is fed by insecurities and challenged by logic.
I am therefore the sword and the wound.
It is a treacherous way of living, constantly wondering what’s real since every single thought I have is drowned in an ocean of dramatic unsureness. Sometimes I try to step outside myself in a vain attempt to capture a glimpse of what I look like from the world’s perspective: in result, I am astonished for what I see is the within I am trying to hide.
I am therefore the mirror and the reflection.
It is an extremely exhausting cycle of deception, in which I am simultaneously trying to be true to who I am and fool myself that that’s not my true essence. I am in love with what I found to be the way my insides truly work and I feel repelled by what it takes for them to do it.
I am therefore the engineer and the bomb.
Originalmente publicado no Medium em abril de 2020.